


This was Not in the Guide

by Goodluckdetective (scorpiontales)



Series: Charlie Verse! [13]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 01:04:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6173974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiontales/pseuds/Goodluckdetective
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Locus will never be ready for alien puberty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This was Not in the Guide

Something is wrong with Charlie.

Wrong isn’t quite the right word, Locus thinks as his daughter sits across from him, chattering on about her school day. He can tell when something is truly wrong after fifteen years of parenting, Charlie’s tone and and body language clean signs when she’s really upset. He’s seeing none of those now as she occasionally squirms in her seat, nothing that would imply something has gone amiss, but something is off none-the-less.

She’s not telling him something. Something important.

“Charlie,” Locus says, leaning forward in the chair he’s provided only during these visits.  Charlie cuts off in her story about one of her friends running for student council. “Is something bothering you?”

Charlie’s mandibles curl inwards. She’s caught, and for a second Locus feels validated that he managed to catch something was off. She twists her fingers together in her lap and Locus waits for a full second to pass before asking again.

“Charlie. What is amiss?”

“Nothing is amiss,” Charlie says, words slow.

“But there is something you want to tell me?”

Here’s the thing about parenting Locus has found; it never fails to catch him off guard. From the moment Charlie appeared in his life, to now, there has been no predicting the path life might take, from threats he never saw coming, to changes in his own personality he finds himself making without conscious thought. When Charlie opens her mouth, he braces himself for anything she might say, and mention of bullies or home problems, so he can deal with it in a manner that is both normal and non-alarming.

He does not brace himself for this.

“How do you talk to girls?”

One time, early in his career as a mercenary, Locus got hit so hard that it took him five minutes to remember his own name. This feels a lot like that moment. Just with less blood.

“Excuse me?”

“How do you talk to girls,” Charlie asks again, and Locus feels years of concussions catch up with him in one single moment. “Human girls?” There is a long pause. “Father?”

Locus suddenly becomes painfully aware that the expression in his face is neither normal nor non-alarming.

“I-well-” He cuts off, searching for the right words. Puberty. Right. It was bound to happen sometime. Half-Alien or not.

“ _Betcha wished you picked up a parenting book now, huh Partner,_ ” the ghost of Felix echoes in his brain and Locus crushes the impression of the man his mind has created before it decides to mock him further.

“You don’t have to answer,” Charlie says, scratching the back of her head. “I could ask Junior-”

“Absolutely do not ask Junior,” Locus says, his brain firing to life at the idea of a Tucker giving his daughter relationship advice. He would rather die first. Painfully. He takes a deep breath. “It isn’t that I do not want to answer. It is that I have no advice to provide. I have little experience in the department.”

“You-” Charlie’s eye grow wide. “Oh.”

Yes. Oh indeed. And Locus hopes desperately she does not ask him for details because the last thing he wants is to discuss his pitiful foray into romantic dealings with his daughter.

There is a long beat of silence. Even the guards look uncomfortable. Locus can only guess what gossip will be flowing through the prison by tomorrow. He takes a deep breath.  “If you wish for advice in that area, I believe Agent Carolina would be the best to provide answers to your liking. But I believe the old statement to be yourself works best in this case.”

Charlie squints at him. “Did you just use a token Father expression?”

“Not that you can prove.” He watches as the guards head to open the door. Time is up then. “I wish you luck with this endeavor. And should anything go amiss, please know that you should not tolerate negative behavior to your person.”

Charlie smiles, grabbing her backpack. “I know that Father. And do not worry.” She takes a step for the door. “Should things go well, Lauren is unlikely to do me harm.”

Locus freezes. Lauren? Lauren Grif? The child who broke into the abandoned factory to experiment on the left over technology last summer? The child who lights things on fire to test reactions? The child who is the daughter of Dexter Grif and Dick Simmons, a couple known for their communication in passive aggressive insults and snide remarks?

Locus feels the concussions come back for a second round.

“Wait, Charlie, if this is about Lauren Grif-”

The door slams before he can get in the last word.

   


End file.
